I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
