think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How's work?
Spinning.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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