and she was petting her beer can
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
