even my farts smell like vagina
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
