i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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