mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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