ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
