I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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