why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
