if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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