what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
