i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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