if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
