its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
