i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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