I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
