We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Less talking, more tequila
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
