yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
