My hand turned me down
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
