Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
