Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
