I'm gonna have a badass scar
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
