Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
