Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
