I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
