Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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