Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
