Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
