Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
