I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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