Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
