So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
