We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I hate all girls vehemently.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
