no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
