areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
