he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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