i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize