My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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