the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
