im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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