i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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