shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
