Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize