I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
