K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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