I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
