yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
