so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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