CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
