Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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