i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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