i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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