we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize