yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
