He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
