i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
