How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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