He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
