It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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