I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
