i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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