She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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