Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
