so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
