I just made out with a guy for $7.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
