Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize