distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Of course I have a pirate flag
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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