Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
