all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
