When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
