We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
