i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
