Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
