What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
