shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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