return my video game
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
