Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
