She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
