Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
