I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
