This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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