I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
