It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My bed smells like the plague
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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