when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You made out with two different species that night
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
