White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
