the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
