Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
