Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
