Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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