You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So much Jack, so little girl.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize