Just fell off a train. Bad.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
