I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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