If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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