I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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