My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
