He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Someone shattered a urinal.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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