I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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