He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
