He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
