her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
