She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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