I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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