Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
