who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
