Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
