I wanna bring you to show and tell
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
