Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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