I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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