he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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