I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
