escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
