so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
